Do you see this picture here? It was taken an hour ago in my boys’ bedroom. Aaron decided to climb on top of his dresser to reach into the top drawer and the whole closet came caving in. This chaos serves as a metaphor for my life right now: while everyone is basically whole and healthy, I have to admit my life is a bit of a mess right now.
Things have been crazy lately and my sanity has not always been in tact. I’ve forgotten my keys, I’ve burned meals, I’ve lost important papers. I’ve picked up some bad habits too like only doing dishes twice a week and eating fast food too often. My kids have been dragged to extra meetings, my husband has heard daily whine sessions, and my students have learned of my grumpy side. In all of this it is so easy to be hard on myself, to compare myself with the image of others. I think that is a great failing of many great people, however, and so I don’t want to wallow in my imperfections. Plus, no one wants to read about all of my failings, do you? Instead, in an effort to Live Like a Kindergartner, I’ve thought of three things that I have done right lately to talk about here.
1 - Keeping My Mouth Shut
At the beginning of Ethan’s basketball season I had a dilemma I’ve never faced before. Ethan had gotten himself on a pretty good team where the same three players seemed to be getting the ball over and over. I noticed that other Biddy Ball coaches were doing things to help out the less-skilled such as rotating who got to pass the ball in when it went out of bounds. One game Ethan only touched (not shot, or dribbled, only touched) the ball three times throughout the whole game and I really wondered if I should say something to his coach. On the one hand, I know what it’s like to volunteer for something and have people be ungrateful, which I didn’t want to be. On the other hand, this was my baby, trying his hardest and just not getting a chance to improve at all.
Ultimately I decided that as long as Ethan wasn’t complaining or feeling let down I would keep my mouth shut. Instead I tried to teach him on my end. We spent many days working on rebounding and defence as a way for him to get the ball without relying on his teammates. In the end I am so glad that I didn’t complain to his coach. By the end of the season Ethan was passing and stealing the ball, resulting in as much ball touches as anyone else. Instead of alienating myself to his coach I grew to really admire and appreciate her. This first basketball season was a huge success and I’m glad the whole family can celebrate.
2 - Practicing what I preach
A couple of weeks ago I had jury duty. I didn’t want to go--no one ever does--but I had already postponed once this year and didn’t really have a valid enough excuse not to be there. After the initial paperwork was filled out it became known to those of us in the room that this would not be one of those half-of-you-get-to-leave-at-lunch type of jury duties. In fact it was the opposite, all of us were going to put in a full day and many of us would end up on juries. There was a chance though, right before we divided into different court rooms, that I could have made excuses and gone home early. The judge was really trying to let those who had childcare commitments take our excuses and go home if we needed to.
I was very tempted to do this as sitting on a jury that week would have been very difficult. I couldn’t make myself leave though, because in my lap was the work I had brought with me, which happened to be my students’ essays, some on Ben Franklin, some on Martin Luther King Jr. Here I was being lectured on by pre-teens on the perseverance of our founding fathers (who created our jury system) and on Civil Rights leaders who extended these freedoms to everyone. I found myself asking: how can I teach my class about the Constitution, but not actively engage in it myself? How can I ask my students to read about men being beaten and jailed as they fought for justice, and not actively participate in the system they fought for?
I was in court that day for 8 hours before getting to go home. I didn’t have to serve on a jury, but I still felt as though I had passed a test.
3 - Doing my best over and over and over
My final success of late comes in the form of my three-year-old monster who claws might actually be dulling a bit. Aaron has been stuck in the terrible twos for more than two years. He has been my biggest trial in life with his tantrums and whining and refusing to do anything we want him to. We’ve been trying to potty train him for 10 months. We’ve been trying to get him to sleep through the night since he was a baby. We’ve been trying to get him to play nicely with his brother for at least a year. We’ve been trying to get him to try new foods since his teeth came in.
At times it has seemed as though I must be the absolute worst mom in the world as none of these issues seemed to be ever resolved. Until, well, now. For some reason in the last two weeks Aaron has been a little less painful to be around. He’s eating bigger meals, going to bed on his own, controlling his temper a bit, and has even been accident free for the last five days. I don’t know why he has suddenly decided to grow up. He’s still far from perfect of course, but his improvement has given me hope that if i just keep trying and trying things really will get better. If Aaron can stop messing his pants and screaming his head-off, then anything might be possible, right? Well, maybe not keeping the laundry or the dishes under control...
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