What do kids think about their parents?

What do kids think about their parents?

March 23, 2013

Last week I heard a survey read on my favorite morning radio show.  One thousand young kids were asked this question, “is your mom perfect?”  Every single child answered, “yes.”  

I had two immediate responses to this: 1) how sweet is that?  and 2)  there is no way they asked 12 year-olds.  

Ironically the very next day my 5 year-old had one of his classic tantrums.  He really is a very good boy, most of the time.  But at night, when he’s tired from a long day, he can get pretty emotional.  And if things don’t go exactly his way on those emotional days, then watch out, here comes a world-class screaming fit.  On this particular night after I sent Ethan to bed with a comment like, “enough, just go to bed.  I don’t even want to hear your voice any more,”  I came into the kitchen and found a note that read “my mom is tarabl.” 

My husband always says “if you don’t laugh, you cry” and at the moment, looking at my son’s attempt at spelling, and thinking about how very hard it is to teach all day and parent all night I wanted to both laugh and cry.  How strange it is that kids can think their parents perfect one moment and then apparently despise them the next.

Alas, my thoughts about kids and parents didn’t stop this day either, because I also had to grade my students’ essays which happened to be on the topic: what makes a good parent? Sure that my 6th graders who are so frequently bitter, sarcastic, and even mean to each other and to me, would have snippity remarks about parenting, I was surprised at some of the things I read.  Here are some of the insights I found amongst the 70 essays I read:

*   “If they seem like they are strange, it’s only because they love you.”

*  “Kids don’t want parents to be boring.”

* “Parents should be funny so they can entertain their families at dinner.”

* “Good parents create good kids.”

* “Being nice can never be overrated.”

* “Parents who are overprotective can be pretty annoying.”

* “It is essential to know how to cook.”

* “A parent that cares will kiss your owies.”

* “If parents give you things, it might encourage you to get better grades and behave better   in school.”

* “Parents feed you for half your life.”

* “When your sister is being a bossy little brat and is hitting you, parents should ground her.”

* “Parents are the most beautiful thing in a kid’s life.”

* “Kids long for love.  Give them that love.”    

    So what’s my conclusion to the question I started with?  What do kids really think about their parents?  It appears that despite all of their grumpiness big kids and little kids really do think highly of their parents.  Even Ethan, when all his storming and raging was over wanted only one thing: to be held by his Mom, now matter how “tarabl” she might be. 

Fighting vs. Fighting

Is there a right way to fight?

     One of the most amazing things to me about having two kids is how much they fight with each other.  My boys are usually considered pretty good. Their teachers say how well-behaved they are at school, they have many interests, they both have great smiles.  In general they are peaceful people...unless they are with each other. 

      You wouldn't think that a 2 year-old and a 5 year-old would have so much to fight about.  After all their lives are completely different.  Somehow though, they manage to fight about everything!  They fight in the car, they fight in their beds, they fight over ever inch of our small condo.  They fight at home and while in public.  They fight at breakfast and at dinner.  Sometimes it feels like a constant stream of whining and tattling courses through our family life.  

      What then is a mom to do to hold onto a small shred of sanity?  Other than plopping them in front of a TV (which I admit to doing too often lately), or taking them out somewhere fun (which is too expensive to do all the time), the only thing that works is what we call "suchet."

      "Suchet" is a word Aaron made up when he was trying to learn to say "music."  What it means in our house is this: everyone grab a sword and shield and get ready to battle.  Dad puts on some piano music (usually from the pianoguys or a cartoon theme song) and the boys go at it. Now the house is filled with jumping, clashing, grunting, and shouts of "you're done for."  And if you listen carefully enough you can hear laughter too.  You can see little boy dimples.  You can hear giggles.  Our house is not peaceful, but we have found peace.    

           So the question is this: is there a right way to fight or are my husband and I contributing to the boys' bickering by encouraging fighting at home?  Maybe we should get rid of all fighting-type things in our house, but is that even possible with little boys?  

          My gut tells me the sword-fighting is ok.  There are established rules and routines (Dad is really good about laying the rules out), and most importantly it seems to be an important bonding ritual for the brothers.  I think with help of pictures like the ones in this post, there is the potential for the boys to look back at this time of imagination--a time when they became superheroes, pirates, knights--and remember with fondness how much fun Suchet was.  I hope in time it will help my boys see each other more as teammates (or at least co-conspirators), linked together in a common hobby.  And maybe, if Mommy gets really lucky, the good fighting will slowly start to replace the bad fighting. 

Live Like a Kindergartner

Living Life Like a Kindergartner

Being the mother of a Kindergartner has been awesome.  Finally past the terrible twos, troubling threes, and the I-don’t-want-to-nap-but-I-can’t-be-happy-all-day fours, our five year-old, Ethan, is a delightful species.

Ethan is full of life this year: full of wonder, learning, friendships, creativity.  He knows that he can’t do everything by himself, but also has such a strong desire to try new things.  Watching him talk about his friends and eagerly attack his homework has been so inspiring that I’ve made this my year’s mantra: “live life like a kindergartner.”  Here are the major components:

1) Be friends with everyone.  I think I’m pretty good about not having any enemies.  If asked which people I hate, I honestly would not name a single person and I don’t think anyone would name me either.  But not hating, and being friends with are two totally different things.  This year I would like to focus on being outwardly friendly to those I come in contact with daily.  I would like to be more profuse with my compliments, more engaged in casual conversations, and in general a bigger, more positive influence to those who really could become my friends.

2) Reading is fun.  I got this one down, but can I just take a moment and saw how amazing it is to see my son reading books on his own.  It is so rewarding to know that all that work--all those pages of books read every day for the past five years--is truly paying off.  I know that kids who emerge from childhood as strong readers have a much higher chance of succeeding in life than those who don’t.  I’m so very grateful that Ethan is on the right path.

3) Learning is fun.  I could call absolutely anything “science” and Ethan would gladly partake in it.  No matter how gross, how time consuming, how strange the experiment is, kindergartners love to learn new things.  As a teacher you would think that I pursue new knowledge all the time, but unless it really comes my way on its own, this isn’t always true.  So this year I’m challenging myself to read one non-fiction book this month in an effort to be continually learning new things.

4) If it is bad today, have a little cry, give yourself a band-aid or a dessert and then move on.  Tomorrow will be great!  

5) Always have something to look forward to. In Ethan's class they must do a lot of work with Calendars, because he is always counting days towards something. There are field trips, holidays, parties, events with grandparents, projects...just about anything exciting he looks forward to. I used to be like this too, with a trip somewhere in the future that I could plan and get excited about. Somehow though, in the craziness of surviving this life and of squeaking by without much money, I've stopped really planning for fun things. That needs to change--even us poor, stressed-out people need something to look forward to.